Slipping

     Slipping. I feel like I am slipping. I am slipping. We've all had the feeling. Slipping grades, slipping away from your friends or morals, time slipping away, or even slipping into a state of mind. What is it to be slipping? It's that feeling of holding on so tight, but you can still feel yourself losing your grip. So you try to hold on tighter, but it seems as if everything is "slipping" away. It is scary.
     I can feel myself slipping. I might just be over-thinking, but in my mind I feel as if I don't have much longer to hold on. People seem to slip away from me, even though I'm holding on so tight. Then again, maybe that's my problem. Maybe if I wasn't holding on so tight, I wouldn't have so much to lose. It hurts to know that I have no control over people who I want to stay. If they want to leave, they can and there's nothing I can do. I think that's the hardest part.
     So what do you do? Do you hold on as tight as you can and hope for the best? You could be prolonging the fall and the hurt, but at least you know you tried your hardest. Do you just let go and fall, never knowing if you could have changed things? Or do you just hang? You just let yourself slip, or maybe someone will pull you up...
     And then you realize, maybe you're slipping because you have no idea what to hold onto. You aren't looking for someone to lead you; you aren't listening for the voice telling you that they're always there for you. Maybe the reason everything around you is slipping away is because you're slipping away from God. You don't talk to Him like you used to. You don't look for Him. You go against His calling. All along you've been slipping, and you don't realize it until you find you have almost nothing to hold onto.
     How do you get back to the point where you are on somewhat solid ground? I listen, but I fail to hear. I look, but I fail to see. I read, but I fail to understand. Will I ever be successful in my climb back to Him? I know He is there reaching out, but it's so hard to make my way to Him. I feel like I am in a long climb alone. How do I stop slipping? I'd sure like to know.

Reflect on Your Reflection

So many things become beautiful when you really look.

      Every day we go through our lives, each of us in a different way. Some of you wake up early because you have a schedule you stick to. Others wake up late and rush to get to school or work on time. You have a routine as you go through your day. You eat lunch at a certain time, exercise, study for school, or spend time with family. My point is, every single person lives their day and expects certain things.
     Do you ever stop and think about what you are really seeing though? Do you notice the way the light comes in your room when you first wake up? Do you ever stop to notice the way your brother or sister or mom or dad's face looks when they laugh? When you are driving through town, do you think about how everyone is each on their way to something different?
     Sometimes I think we take our lives for granted. We don't stop to think about the way our lives affect others. We don't take in the beauty of the day, or the noises around us. We don't stop to really see the people who are close to us. We don't even consider that in one single moment, everything we know could be taken away from us.
     What if today was your last day? Would you be remembered in a good way? When your life flashed before your eyes, would you have good memories? Would certain days stick out in your mind? I think if you really thought about these things, you would feel some regret. When I think about all these things, I get a little afraid. I think of bad things I've done. I remember how I had acted short to someone just because they irritated me some. Or how I only said what I had to to people I didn't really like or know. Sometimes I think about the people I may have hurt along my way. I feel bad for those people. Not exactly because of how I acted to them, but because of how it could have affected them. I didn't once stop to think how other people treated them, or how their life was outside of that moment.
     I think back at my bad moments, I don't wish I could change them, because they made me who I am today. When I think about them, they make me want to become a better person. I want to see the little things that not everyone notices. I want to be able to look back and see that if something happened to me at that moment, I would have no regrets.
     If you really stop to look at what is around you, you will realize how beautiful the world really is. You will see that what you thought were imperfections, are really special in their own way. People that you never noticed will stand out, and maybe you will even get to know them. I'm not saying go out of your way to be overly nice to everyone. I'm not even saying to completely change who you are. But if anything is taken from this, I want you to remember who you are. I want you to think about your life at this moment. Are you happy with what you are doing? Are you proud of what you've done? Are you really realizing what you have?

Don't lose your sense of wonder.

Take a Stand

     Have you ever wanted to get away? To get out of your little town and do something different than what is expected? I think there's a want, no, a need in everyone to break out. They want to break free of their parents' rules, their town's limits, their family's expectations. But I also realize that not everyone embraces this need. Some people are too close to their family to really leave. They need to be close and be able to see them whenever they can. Others are afraid of what may happen if they go against what is expected. Parents expect their children to get good grades through school, attend church with them, be involved in extracurricular activities, and do everything possible to get into college.

     Why is all this the "norm" though? Why are all of us expected to go down the same path? Haven't our parents taught us to be our own person? We have been told to not care what others think of us. We should do what we really love and not go with the flow. We shouldn't be influenced by what others tell us to do. And yet, our parents still push us to do things that aren't what we really like. They question our clothing style, whether it be t-shirts and shorts, sweaters and jeans, or tank-tops and skirts. They tell us what they want us to wear. They move us to new homes and expect us to fit right in. They push all these new things onto us, like what school activities we should get involved in, what church groups we should attend, what classes we should take in order to get chances to go to great colleges. I understand that parents believe they have our best interests at heart, and I am not trying to talk bad about them. But when have they really stopped to ask us what we truly want to do with our lives? Usually you hear the commonly asked questions, "Where do you want to go to college?" and, "What job do you want when you graduate?". What would they say if we said we didn't want to go to college? What if we shocked them by leaving our little town, or leaving our state? We might even leave the country to travel. Or possibly we just want to work at a local mechanic shop. What would they say to these actions? To have your child do just as you ask for 18 years of their life, and then they just get up and leave. They move out. They don't go down the path that was planned for them. For some reason all of this causes distress in the generations before us. Do they not remember the need they had to get out and make a life for themselves? Is that not what our ancestors wanted? They left their homes and families. They took a chance and went along the less traveled path. They were afraid, but they were more afraid of what would happen if they never took a stand in their lives.
     We want to get out in the world and prove that we have a place here. We aren't going to let big cities scare us; we'll take a chance. We won't merely overpass the little towns; we'll stop and see what there is to offer. We plan to make lives for ourselves and enjoy life and take every chance we can. We want every experience we could possibly have. We are determined to not let the ideals of others take control of us. We will show the world that what was once the "norm" is not our only option. We will take our stand and not be forgotten. In the end, we want no regrets and we want to be remembered. Isn't that what we all really want?

Love

     Love is a verb. It's a noun. It's anything you want it to be. It's the first time that boy asks you to sit next to him on the bus. It's finally getting his number after working up the courage for so long. It's fighting over word finds. It's sarcastic comments with him. It's doing everything to impress him. It's trying to sit next to him in Geometry class. It's your first kiss in the middle of the church hallway, even if the boy was a little clumsy. It's summer. It's meeting a guy at the beach and wishing your week wouldn't end. It's working on a hot roof with a guy for volunteer work for a whole week. It's your first date. It's the first time you meet his parents. It's him coming to see you play your volleyball games. It's late nights talking to him on the phone.
     Love is heartbreak. It's hurt. It's your first break up. It's watching him walk away and not even turn around to look back. It's knowing you hurt someone when you didn't mean to. It's saying goodbye. It's realizing that you've been used. It's knowing he lied to you. It's a late night fight. It's arguments.
     Love is forgiveness. It forgives the fight. It forgives the misunderstanding. It forgives the rash words. It forgives the thoughtless comments. It forgives the ignorant actions.
     Love is kindness. It's being there for someone. It's listening. It's understanding. It's a helping hand for those who have nowhere to go. It's a shoulder to cry on. It's giving hope to those who have none.
     Love is everywhere. It's anywhere. It's nowhere. It's something. It's nothing. It's everything. It's a little thing. It's a big thing. It's your best friend. It's your worst enemy. It's what you make it. It can only be found where you search, yet it is not always found. It's right under your nose. It's an unsolved puzzle. It's lasting. It's ending. It's constant. It's sporadic.
     Love is yours. It's mine. It's ours. It's his, hers, theirs. Don't lose it. Keep it forever with you. Never give up on it. It won't give up on you.  

My Best Friend

     In my last post I left out a very important person: Victoria! Victoria has been my best friend since we were in 2nd grade. I remember she stood behind me in line, and I turned around and pointed out a kid with a buzz cut and said, "That kid doesn't have very much hair." She started laughing and told me that he was her best friend, and then all 3 of us were best friends up until 5th grade when he moved. Me and Victoria spent every weekend together that we could. Most of the time we went to her house because she had 4-wheelers, and I thought those were the most amazing things in the world. I could spend days and days and days with her and we never got tired of each other. We would always sign each others' yearbooks, "See you every single day of summer!" I would spend 3 or 4 days over at her house, take a break for a day or 2, and then I would go back to her house or she would come to mine. Her mom always went grocery shopping the week before I came over cause me and Victoria could eat our way through anything! She always had deer sticks (which became my favorite food ever) and we would eat a pack, and then she would send a pack home with me. Her pawpaw would Burger King and we would get chicken fries and sit in the car yelling "chicken fries!!!" in our ghetto voices. He would take us to Dollar General and we would buy dumb things that we never needed, like silly putty or candy we didn't even like. Sometimes we would go to the Country Club and swim. A few times we went to her neighbor's and swam in our clothes cause we were too lazy to put on swimsuits. The last two summers I spent with her, her parents had a camper and we would sleep out there cause it was like living in our own house. We could eat whatever junk food we wanted, drink soda straight from the 2-liter bottle, and keep the music blaring all night. She was always on my side. It didn't matter who I was fighting with or if I was right or wrong, she always stuck up for me. We played volleyball together for 4 years and we always teased each other about who was better. She turned out to be a better passer, and I was a better hitter.
      The summer before we went into high school she found out she was moving to Tennessee. We were both really upset because we had been best friends for so long, and now she was moving 4 hours away. We spent all the time we could together that summer. After she moved, we still talked on the phone and texted all the time. Even though she's in a whole other state, she's still the person I go to with all my problems. She's my best friend and she always will be.

Best Friends!

     Since my last blogs have been kinda sad, I figured I would write about something good: best friends! My best freinds are crazy, but they're awesome!
     Madeline is the seemingly innocent one, but really she's the devil's helper (that's what we call her). She is innocent in some ways (like not getting our dirty jokes) but for the most part she's just crazy! I always get in trouble when I'm with her. We've had the police called on us for trying to get a dog at the Human Shelter a home (so we made a pact never to purposely help anyone ever again), we've chased a cow in her yard, we've trespassed on private property and found a hidden prison place in the woods, we broke my trampoline net by swinging on the poles and then we broke hers by throwing her little brother against it (as hard as we could of course), we've been caught on her roof by her 7 year old neighbor, we've swung from her stairway balcony by a blanket, we've been chased down a hill by bloodthirsty horseflies, almost attacked by her aunt's lab dog when we snuck into her yard late at night, snuck onto a rich doctor's building spot for his house and spied on the workers, attacked by her other aunt's chihuahuas multiple times when we tried to steal candy from her house, and the list goes on and on. I'm lucky to still be alive after having Madeline as a friend!
     Next is Caroline. We've only known her a few years, but she definitely fit into our group. She's crazy and loud just like the rest of us. She puts up with all of us, like when we pushed her off a ledge (on accident!), or when we make her sit at the end of the row at the movies because she didn't call a seat. She can be friends with anyone, because she only sees the good in people. For the slutty girls she says, "Well one time she tied my shoe!" or for the delinquent guys she says, "They told me a really funny joke once!" We tell her she's not a very good judge of character, and that she could find the good in a rapist/murderer/bad guy. She's the nicest one out of all of us and usually goes along with whatever we say. Most people think she's quiet, but she goes berserk when we're all alone. Everyone has a hidden side right?
     Then there's Virginia. Where do I begin? She's the loudest, craziest person you'll ever meet. She's our crack monkey (not literally for all you people out there who take everything seriously). She's always super hyper and up for anything. We've chunked orbies at the road to watch them explode, and we've been hung upside down numerous times from a rope swing at a lake in her neighborhood. She's friends with everyone; that means the super popular jocks and the super lame band kids. All the guys like her, and she has a hard time deciding who she likes. She's usually who I go to with guy problems cause she gives the best answers! My life would be alot quieter without her!
     Finally, there's Cara. Cara is very hard to put into words. She's...unique. That's the best word for her, and that doesn't even begin to describe her. Cara has her own style, and she definitely does NOT care what anyone else thinks (she has moose poop earrings). One of her favorite things to say? "I am a free spirit! Public education does not own me!" It may sound hippy, but it really isn't! It's just how she is! She's crazy and outrageous and she wouldn't be Cara if it was any other way. Sometimes we would lay on her ping pong table with the music blaring and screaming dramatically when a ping pong ball fell off the table (or the cliff as we imagined it). Other times we would do dumb dares like the cinnamon challenge (before it was cool), or holding ice and salt in our hands for 2 minutes (which by the way causes very bad burns), or laying on the floor squirting lemon juice in our, screaming from the pain, and then doing it again just for the fun of it. We call dibs on every single cute guy we see. She has Taylor Lautner (and billions of other gorgeous guys), and I have Ryan Reynolds (along with some other majorly cute guys). We like to tell guys, "Your butt fills in those pants real nice!" and get in fights with girls who throw basketballs at us. We meet lots of drop-dead gorgeous guys and never see them again, and then we complain about it for a few days. We make up nicknames (sometimes mean ones) for people who are jerks to us. Fadam was a jerk to us. She likes to lay on the floor screaming my name because she misses me so much (don't deny it). We're the fearless (insert choice word here) who start the claps at asssemblies, and the last ones to finish clapping. We have too many inside jokes to even begin to write about. She's Cara and that's who she'll always be!
     I really don't think this puts my best friends into words, but it's the best I can do! There's no one else like them and there never will be!
     Shoutout to Cara for making me write this in one hour this late at night! It probably has a ton of typos so sorry! You owe me guh!

Welcome to: The Worst Time of Your Life

     Walking by yourself to every class, sitting next to an emo/lesbian and stuck up cheerleader in art, running/sitting by yourself in p.e/health, sitting with stuck up, preppy cheerleaders at lunch, dreading school every day, walking the halls and not recognizing anyone, being left out of groups cause everyone already has their cliques, feeling like a loner all day, hanging out by yourself or with your family on weekends, spending Friday nights with your grandma, wishing to be back at your old home, wishing to be at your old school, missing all your real friends, missing your old church and all your friends there, missing Wednesday night church, missing Sunday night church, missing late Friday nights with your friends back home, missing calling dibs on every remotely cute guy you see with your friends, missing acting like a weirdo and no one caring cause you're with your friends, missing telling your best friend all your secrets, missing doing dumb dares with your best friend like squirting lemon juice in your eyes...sounds awesome right? Didn't think so.
     Don't move when you're in highschool. It sucks. Don't move when you've grown up with your best friends and you have to move a whole state away. You're left having to make everyone think that the move was okay and that you're fitting in. Oh yeah, the first month was rough but after three months it's okay. NOT. Still sucks just as much. The one good thing about moving is being close to the beach. But then again, you're only with your family cause you don't have any of your friends to go with you. For those of you who have moved and think, "It's not as bad as she's making it out to be", you didn't move to little nowhere (insert town name here) Florida, where everyone is the EXACT SAME. No one is different. They all try to be exactly like each other so they can fit in.
     This all probably sounds really dramatic, but that's how I see it. It's not so bad since I go back home once a month, but I'd give anything to back there. But I'm stuck here, where I'm slowly dying. Okay, so I'm not dying. But seriously. Someone get me outta here.